Just One Corn Dog for Me. I’m Dieting.

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I Was Misinformed

Welcome to Weight Watchers. Today we’re going to talk about summer vacation planning: saying no to those sugar-laden frozen margaritas; pushing away potato salad slathered in real mayonnaise; sticking pins in your tongue if you forgetfully dipped your lobster into butter — or, as we like to call it, fun.

Yes, it’s fun to be in control. It’s fun to be able to fit into those size 8 jeans! It’s especially fun to go to your high school reunion and see that the cheerleader who ignored you has upper arms that flap like sheets on a line and think, “Fatty, fat, fat, fat!”

Sorry, I forgot. Body shaming is not what we are about. Weight Watchers is about being the best you you can be. That’s something you, and only you, can decide. And the person who’s interviewing you for the job at the yoga formal wear shop. You think they want a size 16 behind the counter in East Hampton? They do not. But I guess you know that, or you wouldn’t be at an 11 a.m. Thursday meeting.

So, summer vacation planning. Do you want to lose? Do you want to stay the same? Or are you O.K. gaining a few pounds because you know you will just be “renting” them and you’ll be able to quickly take them off when vacation is over and you’re back On Program?

Woman not dressed entirely in black in the back of the room: I know you’re new, but here at Weight Watchers we stand and snap to attention when I say, “On Program.”

Now, let’s talk about vacation challenges. Who has something coming up that’s got you worried? Not worried like you’d eat the entire bread basket without noticing — really worried.

A luxury 10-day river cruise devoted to the wine and cheese of France? Let’s hear suggestions.

“Cut out the cheese.”

That’s a good beginning.

“Bring your own cheese, perhaps some low-fat Weight Watchers string cheese, which could double as a woven rope belt. The belt would also remind you of how much weight you’ve lost.”

I like that. And since Weight Watcher’s string cheese is a neutral, you can wear it with anything.

“Drink a big glass of water before a meal.”

That’s always a good idea. You could also sip a glass filled with your own tears. I garnish mine with a paper parasol. Why? Let me hear it. That’s right. Because eating right is fun.

What other vacation challenges do we have coming up? A three-day birthday on Fire Island and there are no real grocery stores on Fire Island where you can get vegetables. Like anybody in this room cares about vegetables.

Sorry, that was judgmental. We are not judgmental at Weight Watchers, although I must tell you, whoever told you that cropped top looked good on you is not a friend. Friends do not let friends shop drunk.

Where was I? Coping with an extravagant out-of-town party. Can we get suggestions from the room?

“Make some low-fat oatmeal banana muffins and take them with you. The great thing about them is they taste just like cold oatmeal.”

Very good. I’m going to give you a bravo for that.

“Pack some baggies with carrots and seaweed chips and wear them around your neck. That way they’re always close at hand.”

Excellent! I also like Weight Watchers’ kimchi flavored cardboard pellets. Just $118 for a two-ounce pack. I carry these around with me and whenever I get hungry or resentful — and really, is there any difference? — I just eat a handful. And as you know, cardboard is loaded with fiber.

I see someone in the third row has something to say.

“But it’s supposed to be a vacation. Who wants to watch what you eat on vacation?”

Could you say that again without whining?

That’s better. Of course it’s a vacation. But the beauty of Weight Watchers is that there are no forbidden foods. You want barbecued ribs? No problem. Eat them and enjoy them. Then, in five years, eat them again. Believe me, they won’t taste that different; cows don’t change. Let me give you a trick: If you find yourself aching for ribs, just take a moment and savor the memory of what ribs taste like. That’s what prisoners of war used to do, and when they were released they could fit into any size pants they wanted.

Remember, Weight Watchers is not about deprivation. It’s about choice.

Do I want this Brillat-Savarin triple crème cheese that is so good I want to get on the plate with it, or do I want to look hot in white pants?

Do I want to look great naked, or do I want to go to a dumb summer movie and get a big bucket of popcorn and toss in some M&Ms? It’s called movie salad. My niece Freyja turned me on to it in the Red Hook movie theater upstate. Then you go to Rhinebeck to a restaurant in a former church and have the barbecued duck quesadilla. Duck and cheese, baby: fat, fat, fat! I like it with a cold glass of sauvignon blanc.

Or go to Rhinecliff, where there is a restaurant overlooking the Hudson River that features frozen sake margaritas. One of these babies and you do not care about going up a pants size. You hang out with your friends, you look at the sun setting, you see that fat former cheerleader and you think, “A big girl in bright, horizontally striped clothing — good for her!”

Enjoy your summer vacation.